My Life With Cartoons: The Eddie Valiant Story
by Wyatt W. Buell
Summary: Have you ever wondered who was Eddie Valiant before he helped Roger Rabbit? Well, this story will show you his side of life


Introduction:

Honestly, I really didn't want to be a private detective because it would make me like fucking Sherlock Holmes. But guess what I was forced to have the job because there was no one else but me and well I had no choice but to take the job. Now, you want to know what my life was like? Well, I was hoping that would be the question you would be asking. Now before I continuw on, I will warn you this story will feature cursing and some topics you're too afraid to talk about and I understand because you may of heard about them but I will talk about them. Once you get done reading this, you will understand that being a private detective isn't that easy.

Chapter 1: How I Came To The World

My dad was a clown and he met my mom when he was performing on the circus and she was in the crowd. Once they met, they knew they were perfect because not long after they got married and she was pregant with me and my brother. Once I was born at first, the world smelled a whole lot different and then my brother Teddy was born next and my parents knew me and him would be perfect in the future.

Chapter 2: Life Growing Up

As the years went on, me and Teddy were always looking after each other all the time. My parents were doing okay at first but then and out of nowhere, my dad loses his job at the circus and he had some major drinking problems that were so bad that my parents got a divorce. It was the worst day I ever had to go through so far back then. My mom knew me and Teddy were too young to know this so she kept it a secret until the day she finally told us the truth. She also mentioned that before she got married, he would often drink a lot and get into fights and have anger problems. Once we found out, we knew that his problems would cause the divorce and I would never forget that moment ever.

Chapter 3: How Me And Teddy Joined The L.A. Police And Started Our Private Investigation Service

It was 1925 and me and Teddy would be cops. At first we loved the job but after about 13 years on the job, we quited and started our own private investigation unit and we built a reputation for helping Toons in trouble such as solving the kidnapping of Donald Duck's nephews and clearing Goofy of espionage. Then in 1942 while investigating a robbery in Toontown, someone dropped a piano on us. I survived with a broken arm but sadly my brother Teddy was killed. That incident soured me on the idea of working for toons, the business did suffer greatly, and I became an alcoholic just like my dad. I began living in my office me and Teddy shared and I left his desk as a memorial to him and I refused to dust it off or let anyone sit in his chair.

Chapter 3: What Happened Next

5 years later, R.K. Maroon hires me to photograph Jessica Rabbit, Roger's wife; she is literally playing pattycake with Marvin Acme, the owner of Toontown and founder of the Acme Corporation. The next morning, I was called in to see what happened and then I learned that Marivn has been murdered. It was like "How the hell did this happen?" Anyway, they think Roger is the killer so I was in charge of clearing of his name.

Chapter 4: How I Helped Roger Rabbit

Honestly, I know I shouldn't say this but Roger Rabbit when I first met him was a wreck ever since he found out his wife was playing Patty Cake with Mr. Acme. He just didn't seem like himself anymore and yes he did annoy me a few times. I honestly just didn't want to work with him because he was a major trainwreck but I had to do my job because he was being framed for Marvin's death. Once I came to R.K. Maroon's office, I saw that he has been murdered and I knew there was only one person who would have done this.

Chapter 5: How I Confronted Judge Doom

Once it was clear it was him, I knew there was only one thing left to do: confront the man who not only murdered R.K. Maroon and Marvin Acme but my brother Teddy. Once I found where he was, I wasted no time and I wasted no time at all and I started kicking his ass. At first, he had the upper hand but with a few tricks up my sleeve, I made sure Judge Doom would pay and he suprisingly melted. The other toons gathered around it and they were glad he was gone. Once that was done, I decided to live in Toontown and ever since then, everything hasn't been that bad.

Chapter 6: What's It Like In Toontown

When I decided to live in this town, I knew this place was odd because the residents were all cartoon characters even famous ones live here. At first, I was getting used to it but now after many years of ups and downs, the place ain't that bad and I finally got to work for toons again and I was no longer an alcoholic. So basically, this is what happened during my time in Toontown.

Chapter 7: What I Saw During My Time As A Private Detective

Well 3 years later, I heard that the U.S. was in the Korean War and I thought we were to declare war but instead we were to intervene in it. Many years later in the 1970's, I then heard about the Vietnam War and honestly, I just couldn't believe the government would force young men to go fight in a nation and honestly that's bullshit. I then learned of Watergate and honestly, I couldn't believe that Nixon would resign than get impeached and that was something I couldn't believe he would do.

Chapter 8: My Final Case

I knew this would be it and it was tough because this job wasn't so bad now that I like toons. I was to find out what happened to Bugs Bunny's stolen fortune. Once I started finding the clues at first it was a bit challenging but once I found it, it was quite a story because the bank that Bugs went to stole his fortune without his permission. Once Bugs found out, he thanked me for helping out and for helping other toons with their problems. I knew retirement was going to be hard but I had no choice.

Chapter 9: What Reitrement Is Like

Ever since I was done with the last case, it just felt good to relax not thinking about who to help next and I can finally stop worrying about this or that. Basically, retirement is the best thing you will ever do.

Epilogue

Well, here we are. I'm going to be honest, telling you my story wasn't so easy because it meant to bring back my old demons from the past but it was nice of me to open up on my story and I know this may be the end but really this story is only just a part of my life as a former private detective.


End file.
